got boyfriend?

The only thing worse than overrated new year goodies which lead to unneccessary and unworthy weight gain, has to be the inevitable "got boyfriend yet?" question. As to the former, for several years now I've avoided said goodies (am simply not crazy about pineapple or peanuts), and for several years now I've suffered the indignity of the latter.

People are always telling me to start dating asap because
1) once work starts, it's hard to find time
2) nobody would date a doctor because she's overqualified but a med student is still ok
3) dating now is stress-free without the pressure of having to seriously consider the person you're dating as a potential marriage partner
4) women generally age badly
And I'm sure you can imagine what other reasons they come up with.

What absolute antiquated twaddle. Besides, whether a woman is single or attached is no indicator of her worth, nor does it have any bearing on her happiness. What's wrong with having standards, within reason? Desperation is opting to be shackled to unworthy specimens of the opposite sex, as opposed to holding out (against the imagined loneliness of singlehood) for someone lovely. Anyway, to ward off all unwanted advice (however kindly meant), silence all doubts about my sexuality (honestly!), and most of all for a big huge laugh, this year I hired a stand-in. Well, not a real stand-in you understand. I merely invited long-time pal and neighbor T to the house, smiled coyly when asked, and left them to their own conclusions :) Hrrhrr. As I've said, I have lovely friends :)

Back to work!!!

productivity

It's been a seamless progression of time. Night merges into day and back to night and I think the scariest parts of the day are the early evenings. Because that's when the anxiety settles in (midazolam! termazepam! alprazolam! lorazepam! diazepam!) and I really have to pick up the pace in order to hit the day's targets. While it's not going swimmingly exactly (spend too much time destressing with Georgette Heyer, victorian romantic that I am sometimes), it's not disasterous thank God :)

Down with a similar flu/sorethroat bug again, which has also brought on asthma which is not being relieved by Seretide (salmeterol! fluticasone!). Am thinking I should really see a doctor because the asthma's getting worse and I don't have any ventolin at home (salbutamol!). It's funny -- I refuse to 'waste time' at the doctor's but I spend at least triple that amount of time reading trashy victorian novels. Misplaced priorities?? Well, when deciding between 3 meals or a full-body massage, I'd pick the latter.

CNY has been great fun. Am too bogged and stuff-nosed to stick up pictures of family now (sorry bro). The biggest day will have to be tomorrow, where we'll have the annual houseparty. Shall stay cooped up in my room with no excuse to roam various parts of the house in search of diversions (yay!).

Ya la who'm I kidding right. Bleurgh!

Sorry if the names in the brackets don't make sense!! I've been trying my best to inject my knowledge of pharmacology into all aspects of daily life in an attempt to revise continually :) It's working, albeit, somewhat less than ideally! I know I sound like I'm on prozac (SSRIs! fluticasone! fluvoxamine! citalopram! sertralin! paroxetine!), but I really am not on antidepressants or anything so depressing, I promise.

sick

Despair has a funny way of catching you unawares.

It starts with a sinking feeling, and then builds up to a sense of doom, and eventually, a heavy emotional lodestone sits in your heart and then you start wondering how on earth things took such a turn for the bad. And then the depression settles in (durh with all these depressing thoughts) and then your day is totally ruined. Giving up looks good.

It takes alot to get me down because I am optimistic and happy by nature (right ladies?) and try not to be issue-ridden. This time, running away isn't doing what it's supposed to do and it's so bleeding miserable where I am because there's nothing else to do and nothing else I can do at the moment.

Seething anger boils over to hate. I hate you because I love you and if I didn't love you at all I'd be completely indifferent. Why'd I give a fig what you did unless I cared? But I can't help you if you won't help yourself. I'd solve it for you if I could, but you've got to do this on your own, for you.

FREEDOM!

It's amazing how instantaneously rose-tinted glasses can be removed. If you can't do it on your own, get someone, hang around people who can and will do it for you. It's too hard to see the light when impeded by your own pigheadedness. Glorious freedom!

Am now going on to mug my arse off to ace the finals :) HELL yeah.

the last one

It rained while I napped this afternoon. And when I awoke, I watched the raindrops sliding down my bedroom window for the first time in a long time. You miss some things, being shut up in a basement.
As usual, my toes which were freezing. Think I shall look forward to having a bed partner one day, because then I'd be able to use said partner's limbs to warm my toes up. Woud've had a bed partner long ago were it not for bloody Nipah, the virus which led AVA to ban all live pig imports. My potbellied pig would've been black like a seal and I'd have named him Elvis :) Come ta momma.

at uncle yew boo's...

Ah Beng!

A shop where you definitely won't want to be known as a "Regular" has to be an autoshop. Ah Beng told me today, "Ni shi Regular mah, suo yi wo bang ni jump queue lor." Basically, he'd do the job ASAP because I'd given him so much business :( I am an infamously shitty driver argh. Dad says, "You and your mum are exactly the same. Hopeless!" And my mum hasn't had an accident since 10plus years ago. Plus she's parks like a seasoned valet. Maestro! Is he an MCP or what?

awesome foursome

I have decided that my Valentine's Day treat for remaining dateless this day of the year, for 22 goddamn years in row, shall be a spanking new Chanel Lip Primer I'd been finding an excuse to purchase :)

Spent the night chillin' at Jean's with El and Den heehee. Did our nails, watched chick flicks, exchanged news, laughed our butts off. I have lovely friends!

jean can set up shop she has so many OPIs :P isn't she gorgeous?? den's being normal and el's showing off hot legs. my tootsies are encased in unglam pink sponge

"navel oranges" were really good :)

3am: to mug or not to? am totally behind schedule. shit.

Banged up again (reversing up a slope, blind spot on rear bumper hit short metal pole). More time wasted in godawful workshops argh!! Pity, please.

ang eh!

Chinatown is perfect this time of year :) Frog porridge and pork porridge (both were divine), fried crablets, 'shark's fin' (smelt sooo nasty!) along Kheong Saik Rd. A stroll down smith street and pagoda streets etc to experience the nightmarket. This is usually something dad does every year with mummy, but seeing as she's busy settling Bryan down under, we did it with him instead (yah lah non-mugging notwithstanding!!!).
"Mai duo duo, song duo duo, Aiiiiyoooohhhhh!" Hahaha this guy really had us bursting at the seams with laughter. We chanced upon an adorable massage palour where joobs and I had a foot massage (a little too mild for my taste) and dad had his orgasmic head and shoulder rub. 1 big pomelo and a bagful of little oranges later, we stopped by Fei Fei Wanton Noodle ("no. 1 noodle shop"), a sister branch of the famous Fei Fei in Joo Chiat. Shiok!!! By then joobs' razr had run out of battery and I couldn't snap a shot for future reference :( I'll never be able to find that street again, it's just such a mess down there.

we also watched the worst debate ever on the mini-telly and had some nasty ginseng tea

dad really misses mum

not big enough!

"sui!"

yo bro, do you miss home already? we missed you!

ooh! plus trimmed bangs and colored hair earlier :( I need more time!!! ARGH!

(the color shows somewhat better under light) 3hrs and the difference is still so subtle :( my hair is a black hole!

yarn

Being sentimental is

carrying a bag you'll never like because it was a gift from a beloved.
slowing down as you drive by X street.
using dettol even though you detest the smell of it.
keeping two hatboxes of knick knacks from primary school days.
preserving Witches by Roald Dahl (circa 1989) moldiness notwithstanding.
not changing iPods because of the inscription on the old 2004 one.
listening to (ick) belinda carlisle which was mum's favorite growing up.
feeling sad whenever you get your bangs trimmed, remembering how he used to do just that for you when you were little and cried everytime you had to get your hair cut.

silly :)

waiting for that blink

I am facing an incredible amount of inertia right now. With regards to starting The Mug in the run-up to Pros (aka Finals) as well as several personal aspects of my life.

It's always the first step that's so hard. Because the headlong plunge after is just a matter of gravity and well basically, everything just takes the course it's meant to for better or worse, once you get over that initial hurdle.

With mugging, there's really nothing to wait for and it's just a matter of procrastination. Borne out of fear of facing the panic eyeball to eyeball. With other things, I am tired of this impasse. Waiting for the intangible, or rather, with nothing tangible, takes its toll. But for the inertia and promise of a promise, I would've moved long ago.

duel

Friday Morning

Lovely. Simply Lovely. The second my eyes beheld it, my heart was lost. Once in my hands, there was no letting go. I wish everything were this simple. "Yes." Couldn't resist a picture for posterity. It really is Perfection. Thank heaven for discreet cellphone cameras. And, generous men :)

Perfection. And that ain't bourbon :P (no prizes for guessing what it was though)

Solid acrylic clutch with classic chainlink sling. The camellia's backed with silver leather.

Friday Evening

Yup. Working that brain.

Okay as of this picture, I haven't touched A Thing.

This will have to make its way into my head in 3 weeks' time.

"chooooo!" *

These are my favorite round, blobby things. And how is Jabba "slimey" or "gross"? He's simply adorable. I'd looove to be his Oola... And underneath, from "Spirited Away" (one of my favorite cartoons, and I generally never watch cartoons) is Yubaaba's Baby, aka Baby : ) I've been hunting all over for some small toy of Baby but they don't seem to have it anywhere. To disclaim: I loathe toys, but Baby's soooo cute. Last year, I had a neuroscience teacher who looked just like him! Hahahaha which accounted for my very very good attendance at boring BORING NS classes.

*what Baby says

apple crumble

Being home in the morning is the worst thing ever now that Bryan's flown away. Because it used to be just the two of us and Anna alone at home in the mornings, and he'd come and kachow me in my room and I'd try to physically castrate him and he'd try to maime me and my bed would get totally messed up and I'd get SO mad. But now I really miss him, even the noisy dota crap he used to play in my room which kept me up all night and all the physical abuse. I miss my brother most in the morning and late at night.

Maybe things'll be better in the afternoon. Two COFM tutorials. Wonderful.

7000rpm

Motorsportsmen have my utmost respect.

"Lessons" with Uncle K are always surprising and never fail to leave Bryan and me slackjawed. This is a dude who can race down a straight track and at the end of it, use torque to keep the car spinning at the same spot and then race back down again and do the same thing on the other end of the track. Okay I'm making it sound really lame, but it's seriously amazing to watch.

Over the weekend, we went circuiting round Singapore. Speeding down Chancery Lane (beats monster-coaster handsdown for gutshock) and down what apparently is one of the trickiest curves here -- the windy road leading down Shangri La and RELC. It has two apices and takes some funny technique which I never will get (not your usual slow-in-fast-out...) so well, I shan't be speeding down that anytime soon, for fear of Death. It takes balls to be a racer, but more than anything, it takes skill. Balls kill you, Skill saves you. At the rate I'm going, I'll be dying without a shot in hell of saving myself. Slowing down from 160+kmh to 25kmh in a matter of seconds to ride smoothly over a hump, without breaking a sweat or killing the rev and jerking the car, is just... Sexy :) R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

As usual, was right about self-control evaporating. Will now have to find things to go for that actually require nice clothes. Else shall wind up an overdressed toucan haunting the 2ndfloor corridor in school. Hot date, anybody? (Alas, it has come to this.)

ribena berry

As I was bragging to Jean, Self Control is when you dedicate a whole afternoon to shopping, and all you wind up walking away with are a pair of tights and a bag of winegums. And not for lack of nice things in the shops either.

Post-CHP de-stress before prepping for Finals = afternoon shopping and theatre-hopping. Have sneaky feeling self-control will likely evaporate over the weekend :(

Later, dinner with pawpaw, both brothers and a new friend from Shanghai-Sydney. We were so happy :) Bryan's flying off next Tuesday for Melbourne Uni. Think I shall be devastated.

Bryan and Pawpaw

steamboat. we ate till we ached.

parade!

Survived : )

"Health beliefs, health-seeking behaviour and health outcomes of diabetics visiting NHG polyclinics."

I love-hate that sudden shot of adrenalin that sends my heart into overdrive and turns my legs into jelly the second before I begin. Thank God for scripted powerpoint presentations and hours of prep. I don't know how I'd have gotten by without them because I was functioning on auto-pilot and the words that were coming out of my mouth, were purely a result of muscle memory, not cognitive function. It's been a long time since I'd done anything like this. And it was marvellous but sort of sad when it was all over because while it was satisfying, I knew I'd miss the adrenalin rush and the funny sound of my voice echoing back from the speaker. Am so relieved it went okay. More than okay. It made sense.

Am awfully glad I'd decided on the black shirt dress and dominatrixy cuffed-and-studded 4inch wedges. Formal but kickass :) They made my confidence, and found my rock-solid inner metronome that kept the presentation smooth and steady, the verbal equivalent of velvet. Though jelly legs threatened to ruin things at first!

Delighted :)

babel

Okay. 8 hours to the real thing. And I'm kinda over the pissin' in my pants nervousness and now it's just a gut-wrenching "oh my GOSH why can't I keep everything under 20 minutes??" sort of desperation. Am wondering who I'll have to bribe to get just 5 (!!) more freaking minutes of presentation time. Seriously -- it's impossible to stuff all that Information in under 20 minutes. And I'm going to get murdered by the rest of the team tomorrow. Seriously. I'd promised them 20mins tops :( well, "the team" comprising my partner in desperation, Jos (who was still in school 2 hours ago) and the rest of our wonderful support team who'd done the slides and dug up information. When a project sucks right from the start, all the crap starts snowballing and the person who winds up with it last (again, passing the parcel concept applies), simply has to deal with that shit. The losers this time, being our team. Crap.

And we have belatedly realized the stupidity of chucking the entire presentation to two people. Because if we had more people presenting for shorter periods each, people wouldn't actually doze off so much as when one person presents a solid 20-30 minutes. Have been running through my part over and over and only managed to do the full thing a handful of times. Talking non-stop and staying coherent for more than 20minutes is really tough. And 10 minutes into the damn thing, my tongue starts twisting and "comparison" becomes "complication" (among other worse screw ups) and exhaustion starts seeping through. Must remember to stay enthusiatic tomorrow. "Our project is worthwhile! It's credible! It makes sense!" Sell it. Seal it. Deal with it. Haha it'd be hilarious you know, if you'd read this and watched me tomorrow -- because I'd be perfectly collected onstage but you'd know my knees were knocking behind the podium and I'd be grabbing on for dear life to the rostrum to keep myself falling off my 4inchers.

To confess (no judging now), was wracked with indecision earlier -- what to wear?? Vanity aside, and on top of the formality of the occasion, there's also the issue of comfort and ultimately, confidence. I simply can't go out there in a hideous thing and still deliver. I just can't :( My psychological need to be in the right clothes has reached an almost pathological degree.

Bahbuggerbah. Please make it all go together tomorrow. Please don't let us make fools of ourselves. Please please. We've all worked so hard.