"so... how's about a drink?"

One would think (given my many racist/dialect slurs -- forgive me my friends, if ever I've offended any of you; please blame my dad, from whom I have picked up my jokes, albeit lame, by osmosis) I would have limited my fast evaporating dating pool to purebred Hokkien MCPs. Fortunately, you are most wrong, beloved.

I am up for auction actually, wait no need for auction la, am up for grabs to anyone above 1.78m (lower limit used to be 1.8m ok) tall and who has not dated any of my friends/acquaintances, has no BO of any sort (athlete's foot included), no unforgiveable blemishes, no dietary restrictions, and who has absolutely nothing to tell me about the state of the government in Singapore or the healthcare delivery system. Must be 100% heterosexual. Must kill insects.

There you have it my friends. My idea of Mr Dateable. Reduced to the bare essentials :) So no my friend, "no's about the drink."

sticky and brown (hint: not toffee)

Left nose blocked now *wallow wallow*.

Anyway, I've found me a perfect URTI cocktail, and also, discovered the usefulness of family medicine (after nigh on 3 weeks!):

1. Cefuroxime 2.5mg bd

2. Bromhexine + Dextromethorphan bd

3. Cepacol Spray

4. Vitamin C

washed down with a macs medium sized fullfat coke icy cold!

Yup. Have driven 3 times over the weekend to the friendly 24hr macs drive through right outside my house to buy said fullfat coke mediumsized. It just tastes different in a macs cup. Am done with write up number 3 and 2 chapters of my family med textbook. Which is not bad news at all. Not Bad At All.

Hooked on 3 korean dramas concurrently. Egad! I have OCD.

lup sup chok

Behold. The Rhinovirus has turned me into a cook!

Haha not quite, but I must say, my lup sup chok (literally, ''rubbish''/leftover porridge) is really shiok. First made this with leftovers in 2003, but have been pining for it a lot of late. There's only one rule when it comes to making lup sup chok! Anything goes : )

Anyway, for starters, if serving one, boil a quarter of a cup of rice and add maybe 500ml of water. It really depends on whether you like your chok sticky or watery. I like mine in between when I'm sick. And really thick when it's Crystal Jade, and just soup and rice when it's Cantonese/Teochew/Chazuge. Leave the rice to boil for at least half an hour (again, depending on what you like -- if you like super soggy, leave it longer).

Then, comes the fun part. What I needed:

1. One egg

2. Chye sim (preserved)

3. 1.5 to 2 tablespoons light sauce mixed with slices of chili

4. Oyster sauce (add till shiok)

5. Bits of meat -- used frozen wonton this time (slices of abalone when I'm feeling poor)

stuff (by the time I thought of taking photos and blogging I'd cracked the egg and added the wonton!)

light sauce + chilli

chye sim + oyster sauce (add until shiok)

keep stirring and tasting...

et voila!

so, this was lunch :) on a very miserable saturday

i need fluvax dammit

4th URTI (upper respiratory tract infection) in as many months of 2007. I'm thinking it's the clinical postings. Doesn't help that in family medicine, we're visiting GPs and polyclinics, where apart from seeing lots of patients with diabetes, we see even more patients with URTIs (incidentally the top cause of family med visits in S'pore).

Was so looking forward to the weekend, but by last night, right nose was blocked beyond anything and watching House 3 on volume 3 (of 50) gave me a raging headache. Plus throat started hurting like shit so dammit. There goes another precious weekend. Which was to have been spent with my paw paw (celebrating her birthday today), plus all sorts of relaxfull stuff like reading george orwell and watching House 3 and 300 on repeat. Not bitchmoaning in bed.

Could've been worse I suppose. An attack of the measles or chickenpox would be so much more disfiguring than a raging fever, painful as hell throat, stuffy crusty right nose, and fever that burns from my ears to my toes. Doubt I'd be able to blog disfigured.

wagyu

Ooh whotta bingeful weekend. Daddy's birthday party at Novus - lots of people, food and drink. Spanking headache all of Sunday. Birthday lunch and more birthday meals throughout Sunday, and Wildrice Play ("Blith* Spirit") Sunday afternoon. I hate being a bitch, but apart from the set in the last scene (yes, I do indeed mean the wall hangings and curtains), the damned thing was really forgettable. I know it's critically acclaimed and all that, but I just didn't like it all that much. Totally unrealistic portrait of Singapore. People do NOT talk or live like that, they don't even have stupid names like that, even in the upper crustiest circles. I know it's an adapted play, and the tripartite dialogue was somewhat unusual, but it still felt painfully forced. And the gratuitous Pam O*i filipino maid imitation was really tired. After 3 dim dum dolli*s, this was a really cheap shot. Could be PMS though -- turns me into a maneating crocodile. Crunch munch. I really disliked N*o Sw** Lin. Heaven kill me and spare my husband if ever I wind up such a whiney naggy ah soh.

Am posted to Be dok Polyclinic. It's helluva far, and parking's a real bitch. It costs upwards of $8 per day, times two weeks. Not including ERP in the morning, and petrol cost hauling ass across the island along the PIE. Don't tell me about not complaining -- I know there're many other less savory alternatives to driving oneself down, but seeing $8.95 being deducted at one shot and then noting that total cashcard consumption per month (not subsidised by parents) almost reaches $200 really pinches.

Have discovered the relative merits of venturing into "This Fashion". Still haven't purchased anything yet, and very likely won't (after all the cashcard deductions), but it's fun just flipping through racks and racks of clothing and finding something decent in a pile of stuff. Almost like fleamarketing, but better because everything's new :) Wonder why I don't take a similar approach to dating. Y'know -- queues and queues of prime beef and then some (frogs) before eventually deciding on someone halfway decent. As opposed to accumulating a burgeoning collection of DVDs. I love trawling the little shops in Be dok. Especially the dvd shops with their $10 dvd sets and "cheap, CHEAP!" dvd sales. I am falling asleep to the dramatic antics of some Korean family to the tune of $10 and 26 episodes of unadulterated, mindnumbingly cliched bliss. Am currently at episode 20 and Chapter 0 of the Fam med textbook.

And yes, I will be studying for fam med eventually. Once I finish the list of non-essential things I have to do.

3rd

First off, great night out with Joy plus new special friend : ) And their friends!

Next off, where's the most ego-busting place to hangout, ever? Well my darling friends, that would have to be Fashionbar at the Cannery, hands down. Seriously -- from REAL models (not your beauty pageant sort -- as in 6feet-tall androids with legs that go on forever and ever, with not a single soul weighing more than 90 pounds, perfect hair and makeup and clothes; and that's just the WOMEN!), to slimey men, to the unisex toilet with spacious, clean and conducive cubicles (!!), it's seriously not the place to hangout if you're looking to feel good about yourself :P

But as always, tis the company that maketh the party! And oh what a pary :)

Long, long ago, I used to have a 'Door Test' (i.e. opening the door for ladies) I put men through as a rough gauge of their chivalry. It's been a long time since I've actually thought about it, seeing as how I've not had cause to put it to use, save recently when more and more friends are finding stable partners and tis but a friend's duty to keep a lookout for baddies, no? Anyway, chivalry I have found, is no longer adequately judged by the 'Door Test' (which could simply be a sign of false chivalry), and chivalry in itself is not a gauge of someone's caring for someone -- not entirely, anyway.

Caring is always watching out for your woman, stopping a conversation midway to make your way over to her side just because she's having a little trouble walking coordinatedly over cobblestones or climbing out of a ludicrous tub at Fashionbar, it is that look on his face whenever his gaze passes over her and he looks like he's just found the secret to being joyful :) Caring is that intangible, implicit, almost imperceptible aura that cloaks his beloved like a warm blanket, and embraces everything about her, even her friends.

I am so happy : ) And of course, as you can tell by my rambling, a very itty bitty drunk.

naked ambition

It takes a really confident woman to be completely at ease with her naked body. Or a deluded one. Or Gisele Bundchen. Come some time in the near future, I fully intend to do al la Anna Nicole -- head onstage during some random awards show, stroke my bits and say in a drunken slur, "Like my bah-dy?" and honestly believe people will goggle and say "HELL YEAH!".

Anyway, fam-madness aside (as you can tell I'm being rather bored out of my brains this posting), I find blatantly ambitious people either very inspiring or very irritating. Inspiring when they work their asses off and take practical steps toward fulfilling that ambition (and are actually heading in the right direction), and damned bloody irritating when all they do is talk their faces off and sit on their arses dreaming big ("I'm gonna raise thousands and thousands of dollars!") and doing nothing practical. Or when they completely lack tact or finesse. It takes a certain person to be able to say, "I'm gonna make millions and wear couture all day long and sit pretty in my ferrari" and not come across as a jerk or dumbass. Most times, shutting up would be the better option. I mean, COME ON. Wake up and smell the people around you. It's insane, how idiotic some people can be.

hitherto

"Hitherto, the rights and wrongs had seemed so beautifully simple..." George Orwell, Homage to Catalonia

Sums up pretty much what I'd been feeling these past months. Been trying to find a way to express myself, but was at a loss. Stuck in my tracks, because of unresolved issues. Right and wrong -- who's to say what? What have I to say? Who shall judge? Even now, as I hold on to a tattered ideal, I wonder if the flawed human I'd left behind was so much flawed, as he was inconvenient. And as I trudge upward, wondering how much time remains before having to confront the greyhound of my conscience, I find comfort in the fact that black and white still remain tolerably distinct, and my conviction of what is right and what is wrong remains as it was -- defined.

ang ku kueh

The fact that I turn out mostly right (when it comes to predicting the outcome of things, usually, BAD), does nothing to make me feel better. If anything, it makes me paranoid about lots of things so I wind up not taking any risks at all. I don't dereive any sadistic pleasure from 'telling myself so' simply because I tell myself bad things so often.

On a separate, less gruesome note, choosing the GP clinic at Toa Payoh was a most excellent decision!! :) Jean and I are posted to Me* L*ng Clinic at the HDB Hub in Toa Payoh, and on top of it being a wonderful clinic (new, modern, clean and cosy), we have with us a wonderful tutor (Dr Leong) who's actually called patients down just for us, to help us with our write ups! Now, as you've probably figured, write-ups are a nasty busines because on top of being damned exhausting to write (remember GP (essay, not clinic)? yah, like that), it's also a chore finding patients to write up. Simply because there usually aren't all that many patients with an interesting illness (i.e. NOT your usual cough/cold) in a GP clinic setting. Dr Leong's such a sweetheart. Clear, concise, considerate and a wonderful teacher and human being. Inspiring :)

Toa Payoh's one of my favorite haunts. Mostly because it's familiar and I love the smell of the bakeries. It's gonna be paradise the next 2 weeks : ) Jean and I spend our (extended) lunch break exploring shops and food joints, and enjoying stuff we enjoyed in our childhood (bakeries! carbs! cream! kueh!).

apostle

Many times this past weekend I've felt an inane urge to reach out to you. To email you. To add you back to MSN. To just ... have you be my friend again.

But The Rules don't allow me. So I achieve some self satisfaction (albeit of a most masochistic sort) by starving myself of you.

I don't know why, but it feels as though that you would be the only one who'd understand the things I've seen and felt but can't comprehend, you would talk me out of my frozenness, you would make everything right again, because you've been through these things and emerged brilliant. I've missed you, though you'll never know, and I do want you. Though I've chucked you.

Oh my old shoe. My funny friend that never was. I miss your voice. Would you, if you knew?

only just

It's funny how sometimes people walk around with a chip on their shoulder the size of texas and one doesn't notice. And one inadvertantly does/says things that make someone hate one.

So even if you don't know that I know what you felt and what you've said about me, because you'll never read this, and even if it was more than 2 years ago, I apologize. I apologize for what I cannot recall, but what must have been hurtful statement that you should never have heard, had the person I'd spoken to been discreet. I apologize and at the same time, I feel sorry for you for feeling so venemous, and for being so superficial and materialistic and covetous. I cannot bring myself to loathe you, much as I should, because you represent all that I loathe (I have come to realize), ultimately because you are vulnerable, and you've been through more than I have and I respect that. I respect your choices, borne in part of your circumstances I suppose, though they will never be mine.

So forgive me, and forgive me most of all, for pitying you.

glimpse

And just because I had FREE TIME on my hands :) I loaded my camera software and tadaah! First shots.

view from bed

random camera-in-the-air shot (sign of the times: manicured nails = FREE TIME!)

after 9 hours of sleep (4am to 1pm), Good Friday morning

from shoo, beloved

jackpots ring ding a ling

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes! And another couple more yes-es one for every writeup I've completed!!! As you may guess, my friends, indeed I HAVE FINISHED ALL TEN WRITE-UPS AND HAVE LIVED TO TELL MY TALE!!!

SHIOK!

Now the 'break' officially starts : ) Remember how I declared last Saturday that we could finally have some breathing room with the end of the Emed posting tests? That was completely untrue after all, as with 10 BLOODY WRITEUPS hanging over our heads the whole of this week, it was impossible to shop in good conscience (so I did anyway with a load of guilt hanging over my head and purse), or sleep a decent 8 hours!

So now, with the start of our GP postings (aka Family Medicine) next week (oops haven't even contacted the doc we're supposed to be attached to at Toa Payoh), it's officially 'better'. Some dodgy rumors are going round about the alleged tough-ness of Fammed (apparently, 1 writeup a week! plus end of posting exam!), but oh well. 10 down, what's a few more to go??? (HAHA doubt I'd be gloating in the next few weeks though).

Tomorrow, final settling of documents and logbooks at SGH in the morning, car showrooms after, a get together with an old friend in the aft, and phantom at night!

SHIOK!

lipping the zip

Have you ever noticed how you keep saying/doing things wrong around some people??

I never understood why being around some people turns me into an awkward, politically incorrect, tactless, uber UNfunny ... thing. There's this poor dude who bears the brunt of all my social ineptitude. I would say that while sometimes shy-ish, I've still maintained a pretty adequate EQ. But just not around this person! He makes me feel super uncool, super stupid, and damned awkward. He's rolling his eyes (well, I feel him rolling them anyway) exactly the way I'm rolling them when I get irritated by well, ineptiude. Bugger. Why why why? Everything that comes out of my mouth when I'm around him comes out wrong, and I'm SO irritated with myself.

It's like how I set IV plugs perfectly well for days and days, but that one time Prof asked me to set one in front of him I MAJORLY messed up. Yeah, like that. BUGGERRRRR.

22!

I am bursting with joy :) Sukiyaki in my tummy, the knowledge that I am in possession of a magnificent treasure chest, and best of all, the love from all my family and friends. Thank you all SO much again and AGAIN for going to all that trouble!!

Mum and dad and my beloved brothers for wracking their brains for weeks thinking of lovely gifts (with dad being the very first -- my gift almost a month early!) and for my wonderful birthday cake surprise (which was truly a surprise!)

Shoo for the lovely flowers (I've said so many things I oughta shuddup already :P)

Ster for my perfect pumps (my feet love you too!!!)

My medgals (Jean, Den, Jos) in anticipation of our Novus drink date next wed!

Everybody who remembered :)

I suppose all I have to say really, is thank you so much for loving me. More than gifts, more than cakes, more than drinks and surprises, just the Friendship and counting for something in your hearts makes me feel so blessed. I am so grateful. And now, I can say with perfect alacrity: if all I ever was this life (on top of being a good doctor) was a person who loved and was loved, I'd be perfectly satisfied. I shall never forget my 22nd birthday, because while most people remember the 21st and neglect the 22nd, you didn't, and made it ever so special.

what/who IS lily mars?

"Presenting Lily Mars" was one of the first classic movies I watched on the TCM channel, back when it screened stuff in the wee hours of the morning after Cartoon Network went to bed. That was when I was 16, and I've been waiting for it to be re-screened ever since. Needless to say, I've had no luck. TCM is currently a channel all on its own (Ch 65) and needless to say, I am a loyal fan :)

Lily Mars was not particularly good or anything, but it's just one of those things that one yearns for, in the hope of experiencing that first rush of pleasure again. Only to hold out in trepidation, anticipating that upon a second viewing, it'd lose its magic.

I've never forgotten the fateful night I watched "Presenting Lily Mars", and it's been an everlasting obssession of mine to walk into every dvd shop I see (here and abroad) in hope of finding it sitting pretty on the shelves.

Amazon.com has it, but I'm banned from shopping online so I can't buy it, however tantalising the prospect. Just the same, it's rather nice having that intangible something, that moment that was perfect, to reflect upon. I hardly think it was the movie in entirety, but rather the joy of discovering TCM and classic movies and spending the night enthralled that I've always sought to relive. And holding the dvd in hand would merely allow me to replay that moment, but not relive it.

Life has its defining moments, and discovering TCM and classic movies thanks to Lily Mars was one of mine.

"seebay paiseh"

Paiseh.

Ooh have lots to blog about birthday, but until the (damn bloody) writeups are over and yamsengs are conducted with friends (not just family) and until the canon ixus software is loaded, no pictures, no blog yet : ) For now though, I've been made over-the-moon happy (just like the proverbial cow) and you have no idea how happy you've made me. Really, truly.

Anyway, needed to vent my spleen about the perennial "paiseh" hangup I have that really gets to me. Case in point. Many new groups at the new posting (radiology at TTS H), but I can't find it in me to say hi to people I've met and made friends with because, well Shy Lah. It's not overnight that the paisehness developed you know, but it's been more pronounced of late. I find it painfully awkward to carry on a conversation with people I've hardly met since clinical postings started 12 months ago and it feels incredibly forced being friendly and all (not that I don't want to but I just don't know how to begin, and frankly, neither do they) and just as forced being all aloof and shit. Have taken the "fuck it stop thinking so much" approach but it's just ... irritating lah. Feeling paiseh, I mean.

And it's slightly more pronounced with boys. I mean, not my classmates per se, but boys I've been introduced to outside of school and sometimes, even seniors. I simply ignore all of them whenever I bump into them, and especially avoid all eye contact, because again, Shy Lah. I am incredibly inept among members of the opposite sex, some of which I attribute to an innate lack of confidence (about my ability to hold an interesting/worthy conversation with the dudes without blabbering on like a fool plus the paranoia of having *gasp* veg between my teeth), and a lot of which I attribute to my all-girls' education. Which is why, I am seriously considering sending my kids to nanyang next time (hrrhrr much as I loathe the culture, sorry darlings from ny), because it's co-ed (and the most decent one at that).

Paiseh. Bloody hell. I hate being paiseh, but I can't help it. The only time I'm not exactly paiseh is changing lanes during morning traffic. Then it's evergy car for itself man. Speaking of which, it takes me less time driving to CG H than it does to SG H. About half the time actually. That's how shitty morning traffic is, hence the importance of having thick skin. Not to mention, the gloriousness of the PIE/ECP!