sorry, i assumed...

What NOT TO DO if you're a straight guy and don't want people to assume you're gay:

(note: I have nothing against homosexual men, except that I can't date one, obviously)

1) Wear tight fitting t-shirts, rippling muscles or not

2) Speak in a high pitched voice

3) Giggle (not laugh, giggle) incessantly

4) Exhibit floppy wrists

5) Cuddle up to girls who're clearly platonic girlfriends (ok this one I can't explain properly, but it's the cuddling thing that really spells g-a-y)

6) Be "nua" -- e.g. cry when your female friend is listening to avril's emo rock/when jake gyllenhaal gets killed in brokeback mountain (hell DON'T watch brokeback mountain in the first place unless you're an alpha male)

If you exhibit any of these signs and are wondering why on earth you haven't got a girl in ages -- it's probably because girls think you're batting for the other team, darling.