dazed/dazzled/dizzy

What does this all mean?

One reason why Medicine appealed to me was the notion that I would never have to question the value of my existence. No midlife crisis, no "What have I done with my life?" questions later on. Simple-minded, and being thus makes life less complicated. But even with questions like that out of the way, I have found that there are still plenty left to answer, and only more to come.

"What have I given up?"

"Why do good people die?"

"How will I ever stand such pain?"

"How are people so brave?"

"What happens now?"

"What is this feeling?"

Standing in the middle of Takashimaya Times Square in the heart of Shinjuku, all alone in the bright winter night. The brilliant Tokyo lights, the full moon, the smell of the city. Surrounded by the thronging crowd doing their last bits of Christmas shopping with multiple malls towering in the night sky, I felt strangely liberated. Annonymous, small, insignificant. Liliputian, as I navigated my way through the maze that is the Shinjuku station. My family, lying snugly in their beds, I held closer than ever to my heart. I skipped along, breathing in the scent of freedom, Freedom, pulsing through my veins. A feeling I couldn't describe. Exquisitely sharp -- excitement, trepidation, love. At that moment, I knew I would always love being in a metropolis. Skyscrapers and citylights for me, for now. Questions, I had many questions, not all I could put into words, feelings welling up that made me rejoice and cry and fear but most of all, left me craving more as I pounded the streets hellbent on emersing myself in annonymity, addicted to this newfound introspection. Shinjuku at night is wonderful. A perfect mix of crazy skyscrapers and grungey little lanes. Perhaps more enjoyable even than Ginza (a little old), Roppongi (painfully posh), Harajuku (a little too crazy), Omote-Sando (too much like s'pore). It was that moment in front of Taka Times Square that had me by the balls. Does one feel vertigo in the middle of the crowd on level ground? I certainly did. I love Tokyo.

Tokyo will always have a special place in my heart. Though it no longer is that strangely perfect city that didn't fit in with the rest of the world. Singapore has caught up, certainly. But the insular Japanese are a wonderful bunch to be amongst. They don't expect to be understood, and they don't seek to understand. They accepted and welcomed. How does one not fall in love with so accomodating a people? Strangely clothed as they were, beautifully made up as they were. Men, tall and hot everywhere. They are taller then I'd remembered. And unabashedly sexy. Subtle eye contact, a cheeky grin, a stolen kiss.

I am going back to my beautiful men, beloved. Oh the beauty of being free as a lark :)

off and awayyy!

And with a flourish : ) I am off to Japan. Tokyo, Kyoto and Osaka. A brief sojourn before the madness that is PATHOLOGY ahhh!

Paeds just finished today and I have half an hour to get dressed and pack my suitcases! Why? Because I've been mugging (or well trying to) this past week for Tuesday's clinical which was alright (Asthma, 14yo smoker boy) plus Fridays major biggie 8 questions plus 20 MCQ paper which went alright I suppose. It's funny how much we don't know and even funnier how much we do know or manage to retain. Actually it's not funny how much I don't know.

I really really enjoyed Paeds :) And that's it for our clinical postings (not counting electives next year). How they go by in a flash. Just a while ago I was in J1 (what's it called in the first 3 months? provisional JC?) and now here I am, year 4 and heading on 5, still blogging even I'm down to 27 minutes before cab comes.

I love this all too much. Life! Christmas! Mayhem! Work! I shall regret this when I get down from my post-Paeds write up high. Oh! forgot to mention! Just finished massive 10paged long write up 5 minutes ago (worked on it for the whole day post exam it was NAUSEATING). Now it's time for lovely lovely lovely nippon and trashy novels on the plane!

See you all real soon, darlings who still visit. Blessed Christmas, and a Marvellous 2008 :) I love you.