beggared

Now, I promised not to get personal. But since this person has over stepped boundaries, I have simply decided, enough is enough.

There are many things men don't get. Sometimes it does them a huge favor because they don't ever realize how stupid they are and go on living life blissfully ignorant. But more often than not, when that big mistake is one helluva bitch, wouldn't you think it's pretty dumb to go on being dumb and not acknowledge the bitch for one hell of a user and loser that she is?

Men in love are truly a sight to behold. They walk on air, they're sweet, they say things they never in their worst nightmares ever thought to utter. They become nutty putty. And that's when things get out of hand. They are blind to all their Poppy's faults, bending to love's every whim and fancy. They can actually fail to see that when this Poppy requests the househelp (his, she doesn't have one) to give her a wake-up call at 630am in the morning, it is hardly in good taste. "What's wrong with that?" Haha where does one begin? They don't realize when they're being taken for a ride, and when they're slowly being suffocated by the creeping ivy that refuses to let go. Nay, ivy is too pretty. Fungus. Clingy like fungus is more like. That said, it is said that men enjoy bigger better more orgasmic orgasms when they're anoxic. So maybe, dumb men in love enjoy the suffocation of being their beloved's bellboy 24/7. I don't know.

But it sure as hell is one ugly sight to behold. Watching a beloved brother being devoured by one bloodsucking sweet-talking leech with nothing to recommend her save slavish devotion to the removal of his blackheads and unwanted hair. And endless hours in his bed of course. Woman to woman, it is so easy to see through desperation and ambition in another of our kind. And speaking as a woman, it is simply impossible to get men to understand. Perhaps to their credit, it is not in a man's psyche to comprehend how a Bad Woman's mind ticks. Sisters of the world, I wish you luck. When it comes to convincing those you love that who they love is not worth another second of their time, it is surely more impossible than completing Medschool in a day.

He knows I will be leaving for India and he'll be gone when I return and we won't see each other for months on end. He knows he will enjoy his fungus, nay Poison, and have It all to himself once he flies away. Yet, he chooses to indulge this newfound opiate, at the expense of everybody else who holds him beloved. Who will love him more than he will ever know and It ever could. Its love was borne in greed and lust, our bonds were forged by blood.

Disappointment and grief, with anger and jealousy and hurt and injustice all in for good measure. That is the coin I have been paid with, for the care I've bestowed. Treasure for such Trash. It begs belief.

loch ness slayed

And pathology is over. I almost cannot believe this massive monster of an exam is at last done with! And that I've finally caught some sleep. In some strange way I'm almost too exhausted to feel anything. Not elation or anticipation or sian-ness. Just... nothing. It's like how when you squeeze your feet into 6inch stilettos and the angle your feet are at just makes your toes ache till they turn numb almost, but you wing it and walk on and when you come home at the end of the night your feet feel as though an elephant has crushed all sensation out of it. And I almost always wish it stays that way because the pain that trickles back after is just unbelievable. But I've always really kinda liked that bruised sensation :P In some strange way.

I really enjoy pathology. It makes more sense and is so interesting compared to several other subjects. Spending the past month holed up in school almost every day from morning to night, Sundays included, made me appreciate, from my feverish head to my achey bones, the good deep sleep to be had in one's own bed and not on a termite infested bench with cheesy poems scribbled all over it by some inconsiderate person. It is also really shiok to enjoy sleep uninterrupted by fleeting claustrophobic panic attacks. As I've said before, not admitting one is in the midst of some deep shit truly truly helps. If I'd stopped to take stock of the many things I didn't know I'd probably get really depressed. Or breakdown or something.

And the people. Oh the people :) It is so lovely to have fellow classmates in school to commiserate with, work with, discuss things with and laugh with. Got to know people alot better (which going by my sorry hermit-like standards maybe isn't saying much), but that really meant a whole lot to me. Being befriended :)

On the whole, I cannot believe it but this marks the end of year 4 officially. Starting next week we'll begin 16weeks (aka 4 months) of lovely electives, and I'll be jetting off to India next Sunday. Missing the bulk of CNY this year, but am so looking forward to the experience of being alone and being able to take stock of things and be independent. Think things through, LEARN and enjoy pathology in real life! Okay that was truly geeky, but honestly -- the little township I'll be in has little else save the Hospital as an attraction, so this truly is a medical sojourn.

Think a little feeling is creeping back now... and am Elated, most surely :)