the one-night-nothing

I have trouble remembering my dreams and nightmares. Unless I make a note of them, the details start fading shortly upon awakening.

So this shall my my little note of a somewhat strange Saturday all-nighter.

And you know, I still can't quite figure out what happened really or what I felt. But what I'm feeling now is relief and ambivalence (pretty much). Not even injured pride or disappointment or self-loathing (well maybe a little of the last). See this is why when one goes in with low, better yet, NO expectations, one always comes out a winner.

Take for instance, this one-night-nothing.

Attraction is a very strange thing. And a very dangerous thing. It makes us make people out to be different than they are. Is one ever attracted to a whole, because I'm always only ever attracted to bits and pieces. I'm not sure if working with bits and pieces will make things whole eventually, because I've never had a chance to do any working out. I'm wondering if even though one doesn't like the whole, but perhaps just X% of the whole, will liking that X% wholeheartedly be good enough?

Because I really do/did like that X% very very much.

And anyway, I think men are just horny. Boys too.

no-brainer, one-liner

And we're back to that old familiar feeling all over again :(

flashbacks

I don't think I will ever take for granted the exhilaration of seeing the "flashback" when one sets a plug or takes blood. Eventually, it'll be come the norm, but for now, I'm still working hard at mustering sufficient confidence to set a plug in a pretty tough vein (the slippery ones that love to slide out of the way just when you think you've got them) or narrow spidery ones (so tiny the lumen of the needle won't fit through) in full view of an audience of anxious relatives who're likely to complain to the administration in the event of a slip-up. Well, almost there I think!

Today, I managed to do just that for Mr Leong who had veins of moderate difficulty in front of a brother-in-law of supreme difficulty. And for a Mr Tan (who thankfully had no relatives present), whose veins were teeny tiny indeed. Not a waste of a Sunday :)

one is not the loneliest number

It is with curiosity that one wonders at this state of affairs. A product of several years of hard work and self-indulgence, and the prospect of more of either in the several more to come perhaps?

When sleeping in holds more appeal than heading out in the company of somebody attractive, or when websites like "uptodate" are more interesting than replying to emails from said somebodies, one can say, "I am seriously past needing or wanting men," and be believed.

Or, perhaps one has entered premature menopause.

night calls with J

I think the single most wonderful thing about SIP so far has been the seniors I've finally gotten a chance to know better. In the wards, I'm taken care of by R, who is simply the most patient and kind HO an intern could hope for. He takes me through everything -- from deciphering acronyms to filling-up-random-shittyass-forms-101, and has not once lost his temper with this very inept pupil. And he's always full of hilarious anectdotes and so eager to share his mbbs experience we never run out of things to talk about. I've also been blessed with 2 super working buddies -- G and K who're respectively, uber-cool and the-most-unlikely-orthopod-to-be.

But the absolute cream has been doing night calls with J. She is absolutely perfect. It helps that we've sorta seen each other around since secschoolgep days and she's everything I wish I had balls enough to be. Plus, she's brilliant but never impatient and also, very very kind and so excited to teach. We get along. Period. It's a chemistry thing that can't be described. Subliminal and so wonderful. I only wish I'd gotten to know know her sooner!!!

Tonight's (well, day now) call:

1) Finally learnt the trick to setting plugs and taking bloods with ease -- GO SUPERFICIAL! I'm exploding with joy!!! It's taken far too long but I know it would work out eventually :) I can't wait to suck more bloods!

2) Catheterizing old gentlemen with BPH. Finally learnt the trick to getting past the osbtruction. Always was worried about urethral transection, now I've been taught how to get around it :) yay!

leave of absence

I'm sorry dear ones if I've been absolutely incontactable or unavailable. My time won't be my own for another month or so. Or for that matter, till next May. Though for the upcoming month of August it will be especially tight because of the SIP (student internship program).