"The First Formula One Night Race"

Haha since many people have pictures or videos way more exciting than mine, I'll just put up pictures of my parents and I :)

It was awesome. I mean I wasn't entirely looking forward to it, assuming (like most people) that the view would be much better on telly, but seriously nothing beats the orgasmic roar of the start of the race where all 20 cars speed off. One hears rather than sees them (as evidenced by the impossibility of taking ANY photos of any moving cars) - they go so fast. It was so freaking AWEEESOMEEE. And that the Safety Car came out twice was perfect because then, all 20 cars slowed to 200kmh and would go round the track, and while it wasn't as orgasmic as the start, it was still pretty darn spectacular seeing them whiz by consecutively.

And from where I sat we got pretty darn good pitstop views and the Felipe Massa mistake was just so painful. The poor fella! We were wondering what the whole fracas was with the Ferrari pit team (ears plugged, we couldn't hear anything on the screens) and suddenly saw the few people running towards Massa who was at the end of the pit. And onscreen we saw that silver monstrosity sticking out of his car! Horrible!

But Alonso I think completely deserved this victory, especially after his painful qualification that saw his car stalling (thank God that didn't happen on raceday - imagine grinding to a halt with just one lap to go oh man) and him literally hopping mad (he hopped like a crazed monkey), especially since he'd been clocking the best laptimes.

And seeing the track highlighted against the Singapore skyline was a priceless thing. Beautiful, simply beautiful.

Haha :) Indeed!

Don't they look like little oompa loompas? The Ferrari people... with their tail between their legs after the Massa Mess
Daddy flew in special :)

view from my bed

My DVDs used to be the biggest collection of stuff I had. They kept me company on date nights, provided me with fodder for thought and fantasy (wahaha), and cost me thousands of bucks. Books and novels came second. Alas the relentless march of mental retardation.

But what's even bigger than my DVD library now is my collection of notes, textbooks, notebooks, files and all things related to medschool and mugging.

So I've gone from being a no-life loser to a no-life mugger. Which is a very moderate improvement don't you think?

I definitely still put my DVDs to good use, as they keep me company through the wee hours of the morning. It's very depressing not to have company when facing MBBS monster panic.

And a little depressing to see that the last thing I wrote of decent length was about my undying fangirl adoration for 2 fictional perfect men. I think I'm either delirious or demented (both involving impaired cognition, with the difference between the two being a matter of consciousness, which is impaired in the former but not the latter). With consciousness being defined as "clarity of awareness of the environment", I'd like very much to proclaim my deliriousness.

I BELIEVE FICTIONAL MEN ARE GOING TO WALK OUT OF MY TELLY AND COME GET ME.

watch Hana Yori Dango today!

Everytime I watch Hana Yori Dango, I am torn between Rui and Tsukasa.

Hana Yori Dango is a very popular Japanese manga famous for the F4 that has spawned many a Taiwanese and Japanese superstar.

My favorite version has to be the Japanese Live Action series comprising 2 serials and a movie (currently showing at a Cathay cineplex near you).

Shun Oguri plays Hanazawa Rui, the sensitive soft-spoken intuitive all-knowing guy who looks fabulous in white and is the perfect gentleman. He's the subtle genius who sits quietly in a corner all by himself, seemingly oblivious to the world, but nothing escapes his notice. He reads people with pinpoint precision and is the Virgo to Tsukasa's Aries.

Tsukasa Domyoji, played by Jun Matsumoto, is a wild beast. Feral, violent and incapable of reining in his temper, he is the leader of the F4 and has no qualms doing anything and everything for the love of his life - Makino Tsukushi (played by Mao Inoue). Unlike Rui, Tsukasa makes no bones about his need for Tsukushi. Literally, without her he is untameable.

I think Rui is the guy most girls think they want, especially since he's so hard to get and is so clean and perfect. But what HYD does for us girls is while indulging our female fantasy in pimping out Rui, who really does a pretty good job being perfect, it debunks it completely in featuring a flawed but ultimately wonderful Tsukasa. His consistent insistence that Tsukushi is the woman he is fated to be with, and his dogged pursuit of this spunky girl-next-door against all odds, leaves one breathless. Where does this one man, who has everything in the world (neglected to mention that Tsukasa and Rui are both wealthy scions - how very convenient - and Tsukushi a 'commoner'), find the will to keep on going? This is truly what girls want - just that one man to love them and only them, and who will go to (literally) the ends of the earth with them, for them. Because he simply can't live without her. Someone who brings out the worst in her and loves her still, and someone whom she's comfortable enough to quarrel with. Incidentally Tsukushi can't do either with Rui.

While one is tempted to think Rui stops his pursuit of Tsukushi because in typically precise fashion he has long figured that Tsukushi and Tsukasa are simply meant to be, and he really didn't stand much of a chance (except for a little dithering there in Season 2), he is just short of that magic something that makes us want to root for him. He just didn't fight hard enough, not simply because he didn't want to, but it isn't in his unruffled nature to do so. He is too put-together, too perfect, he doesn't need people on his side (which incidentally is incredibly sexy too - see the dilemma one faces?!).

At this point, I should perhaps mention that Tsukushi's feelings develop much like most fangirls' - she was initally attracted to Rui (for obvious reasons), but found herself increasingly unable to ignore Tsukasa's fierce but tender pursuit of her. She falls in love with Tsukasa almost against her will and without her knowledge, especially since Rui starts going after her just as her feelings are in flux, and she has Tsukasa's nasty temper and even nastier Mother to deal with.

Each time Tsukusa is faced with Tsukushi's many doubts about the implausibility of their situation, he never fails to say, "Anata wa ore unmen no onna!" (you are the woman I am meant to be with). And they fight their next fight. Tsukasa's unfailing belief in them and how that rallies Tsukushi's spirits is lovely to watch.

This is why I root for Tsukasa, even though the sight of Shun Oguri in white (!!) never fails to make my tummy do a little flip. Right now anyway :)

it will be alright

Though not much mugging has been accomplished today, it was a lovely happy peaceful day. Hardly had one this past month, despite having more than my usual portion of sleep. Emotional turbulence has rocked my spirit despite attempts at resisting its influence.

So it was lovely to awake from a beautiful nap lovingly ensconced in soft fluffy white cotton sheets and pillows on cloud nine. For no reason at all. A zen-like equilibrium and texts from various nice people. Happiness is a very inexplicable sort of benediction.

Thank you :)

retort-in-waiting

Can't wait to unleash this on the next man who pisses me off.

"I'll cut you in ways that will make you useless to a woman."

Teeheehee.

sushi & otah

Eating otah leaves me feeling nostalgic. It's the preschool eating at the wet market with my grandparents memory and those kickass savory spicy sweet chunky fish bits that get me every time. Yum. It's so hard to find nowadays though.

Nothing makes me feel older than seeing photos of people from my cohort getting married, or people I went to school with getting married. I look at those pictures and sometimes I think they look really grown up, and that leaves me wondering if I look 'grown up' too. And gets me mulling over whether I should be doing more 'grown up' things, taking more responsibility for my life. At 23 I'm still going to school, getting delightful pocket money from pops, staying with mum and dad, and not doing any laundry or cooking or cleaning and obviously, not getting laid. I gloat when I say I'll be able to manage on my own if I absolutely had to, but it is with (precious leetle) shamelessnes that I say I absolutely don't want to.

There are times though, where they look awfully young - just the same as they did in school - and if you put them back in ye ole pinafore they'd fit right back in the morning assembly crowd. But when I look at my brother's classmates, I always think no way - at 23, we're really past those lazy messy peer-pressured adolescent days of ungroomed eyebrows and sky-high ponytails. I absolutely don't miss being a teenager. At All. Though I miss preschol a whole lot, and always wonder whatever became of that carrot-topped nameless fella I shared happy afternoons with.

I sit at my desk typing random thoughts, taking bites of discount-sushi (it's past 9pm) and waiting for the water to heat up before a nice long bath and a (hopefully) decent night of mugging. And while it's obviously nothing like preschool, the feeling's reminiscent of otah days of yore.

Comfort is a very lovely thing to have. I love my otah and sushi (and sometimes even mugging and school).

the ferrari california

Speaking of hot wheels, the most beautiful car I've seen in a long time is the Ferrari California. The perfect blend of feminity and masculinity, it's one helluva sexy hardtop cabrio - curvy, compact, strong. I especially love the view from behind :)

blue chip stock

I'm so blessed with many many beloved friends, who unfailingly loan their ears, shoulders, knuckle sandwiches and karate kicks (and most importantly, their TIME) with nary a reprimand or "you were so stupid!" sort of useless berating (see I knew that already -- am not THAT stupid). Just an endless stream of loving encouragement and warm lovely blankets of support and ganbattes. What's a girl to do without you all?!

As opposed to my horrible low the last week, I am now at peace and ready to work. Yes I Am! On to mugging we go, and chugging along, and never giving up. 6 months to the FINAL and boy oh boy do we need to work.

Yes steffy darling -- I shall savour the moment where I finally get my chance to deliver that Supercilious Stare. Just thinking about it gets me turned on! Plus of course, whatever they can do, I'll do better (that'll teach'em to shut their stupid traps).

masochistic shit magnate

Exhibit A:

"Hi Natalie, I just got an idea while reading business news at lunch time and have a proposition for you. I don't think I have sat in a convertible before. If you can give me a ride in your limousine, I will let you join one of my afternoon clinics where I see only new cases. The deal is negotiable. Thanks. =)"

Exhibit B:

The One Night Nothing (see previous entry).

Exhibit C:

"I thot you said you let me choose the treat. Well, if it's $10+ then drinks at TCC, if it's $20+ can go to nydc or we could have dessert at Paragon."

By the by, the 'treat' was in consideration of a call-swap that we did. I swapped a saturday call for a sunday call. And I actually thought the fucker was doing it out of kindness (my dad, currently based in taipei, was in town for the brief weekend). And how much worse could a saturday call be than a sunday call????

But girls, the saddest thing about all this has to be that in spite of all the horrors I've had to deal with in the past 2 months, I've still not had any desire whatsoever to turn lezbot. It's either indefatigable optimism bordering on delusion that somewhere out there, there has to be just ONE good, decent man who'll finally think I'm worth being with. Or it's gotta be emotional masochism. At this point, I'm going with the masochism. Cos I really don't think there're any decent men out there anymore and it fucking hurts like crazy and I can't deal with this AND a month in C/GH doing ortho and geriatric medicine too.

Because EVERYDAY (coping with work aside), I haul ass down the PIE and have to relive that one-night-nothing that should've been alright (read my initial equanimity), but really turned out to be the worst nightmare of all. Because he wasn't supposed to be an Exhibit. He wasn't supposed to completely ignore me thereafter and make me feel a fool. No call, no text, no IM, nadah. Zip. I really wasn't expecting much to begin with, just some common decency (absolutely not an apology, just something along the lines of "we were both a little tipsy so let's be friends and forget anything ever happened") so that it wouldn't fester into emotional PTSD (and I wouldn't be left cringing in fear of running into Exhibit B one day far far away). Is that too much to hope for???

Meet Exhibit Nat: The Ultimate Shit Magnet.

I think when God gave me a wonderful, perfect perfect Dad, he also pretty much decided I'd all the good manliness I'd ever need this lifetime. But really - would asking for normalcy be too much? I'm not even asking for niceness. I'm not asking for A Man. I don't fucking want a Relationship. But can't I not be plagued with people who're only out to milk me for a ride and I'm not even sure if I'm referring to the car anymore (chrissakes you're 50 years old!) or who use me like some girl-on-tap when they feel a sudden urge to simulate a relationship?

Or is this actually NORMAL? Is decent no longer normal? Is "normal" now "strange, fucked up and superweird"?? The worst of it is sitting down and rationalising everything so now it's starting to look like it's all my fault. My fault that I was "too friendly" and didn't heed rumors, my fault that I followed him out the door, my fault that I swapped a call for personal reasons that didn't amount to an emergency, my fault that somehow, I find myself in the path of these types of people not knowing how to extricate myself from the wreckage.

The Decent Man has gone the way of the Dodo. In my life at least. And I must have done something to deserve all this. Please tell me what I need to stop doing or start doing so that this will all go away and I can finally get some decent sleep.

I beg you please.

tandem walking to the sunset

One step at a time, one foot in front of the other. Chin up, eyes to the horizon, hands behind your back. March to the dumdumdum of your heartbeat that ebbs and flows with the tide of feeling. But never stop to think, or reflect, for fear will catchup and spinetingling numbness will leave you paralysed. Don't look back, or under or over or at your feet. Eyes on the prize, that juicy giant golden orb.

The loneliness is so beautiful, painful; clarity abounds. Don't love and you won't lose, or gain. Don't hate and you won't be blinded by the bloodred mist that pervades an angry spirit. There can be no hurt when there is no feeling. There can be no sadness when there is no loss. No loss when one gives nothing.

Nothing nothing nothing.

Dum dum dum.

Marching on and on. Hands behind my back. One foot in front of the other, one step at a time. No moment too precious, no moment too painful.

Eye on the prize.

Eye on the end.

scales have fallen

1. Find out everything you're supposed to do and DO IT. Don't do any less. Do more if thus inclined for your patients' sake but don't do somebody else's job for them because if you screw up, you're screwed. If you decide to do so anyway, don't expect any appreciation whatsoever. Whatsoever. Never ever leave someone else to cover your ass. You'll be sodomised.

2. The gossip mills are unavoidable. It's like fucking Amsterdam. Keep your trap shut and remember that when you leave the room, you're probably gonna be gossiped about too so don't mix and mingle, don't give your dollar's worth and don't give them anything to talk about. Because they'll find plenty to talk about anyway without your help. But it gives you a modicum of comfort knowing it's all unsubstantiated and untrue bullshit anyway.

3. Judgement and preconceived notions are a sad fact of this life, but don't let that get in the way of your working relationships. Remember -- innocent until proven guilty thrice. Even then, try not to attack someone's character just going by the quality of their work. Just know who you can work with and who you can't; not who's "shitty" and who's not. It's not personal, it's business.

4. Leave the working shit at work. Find friends and loves outside of that crazy microcosm. Don't do anything stupid you'll live to regret. Grin and bear it and always remember if your patients are safe and well, you've done your job. Anything else is unwarranted, unnecessary and uncalled for.