the absent connection

Definitely on a different wavelength.

My-sorts, I need you. Now.

minus one

Feeling isolated in a crowd of familiar faces is probably the loneliest feeling in the world. I mean how much lonelier and more depressing does it get than walking into a room and wondering what on earth you have in common with anybody, and how and if you should say hello, and looking at your fellow colleague fitting right in and having a blast.

There are bigger problems out there, so this whinge is purely self-indulgence and borne of self-doubt and loathing. But when we get down to it - is it difficult for any of you to find your-sorts of people where you are? Because sometimes my-sorts are just difficult to find and it's very hard to keep tuning into FM when you're clearly functioning on AM. Or is just me being difficult and a pain in the arse? Or ambivalent?

Surely not ambivalent. Because I do care that immersion is a problem, just too tired to figure out how best to ease into things. So avoiding eye contact and running away are the way I do things but that just makes things worse, ultimately. Thus by logical deduction, I suppose I am difficult. Just that I would so much rather be difficult on my own than difficult with people. But it sucks to be left outside too. Which explains this incredibly irritating and Very Lame Post.

Twilight

So with the previous work-related post out of the way, I am now free to blog about my latest obsession. I hesitated over "obsession" but when you're thinking about something all day, rush home to get to it after a day's work, and hug it to sleep every night hoping to dream of it, wake up late because you couldn't bear to wake up from said dream, stalk cinema listings all day for when the movie-version will be out, fret endlessly if the chosen actor will do Edward justice and promise to riot if he doesn't (please don't ruin Edward!!) -- I think it's an understatement, using "obsession". A word which I really don't very much want to be associated with!

Haha yes my darlings I am currently obsessed with Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga. Thanks to advice from many dear friends, I finally started and finished this series over the weekend. If you don't know by now, they're a series of four books (Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn) about a love story between a vampire hottie (Edward Cullen) and vulnerable girl (Bella Swan). It's definitely not Pulitizer-material (and I think Harry Potter may actually be more well-written), and isn't for anyone who's long past days of teenage crushes and swoons (clearly, I remain stuck in an adolescent pit, raging hormones included), but Stephenie Meyer hits all the right notes plotwise when it comes to making you fall in love with Love and Edward Cullen!!! Twilight's my favorite of the series, and New Moon left me truly devastated (I actually cried at some parts), Eclipse rounded things up pretty alright and by Breaking Dawn it did get a little draggy. But it was a wonderful series all in :)

I think I'm just a sucker for love against impossible odds. And tragic, self-sacrificing, wise, vulnerable, all-powerful hot hot Hotties. Edward Cullen is so awesome! My last vampire crush was Lestat as portrayed by Stuart Townsend. For which I read some Anne Rice books that were nowhere near as good as Twilight.

I can't wait for Twilight to hit theatres. Seriously man. HURRY UP ALREADY!

when you can live forever, what do you live for?

ortho SIP

It's a blessing sometimes, when one is kept busy. Because when one is busy, one doesn't have time to feel guilty. One won't have to rack one's brains to find things to do either. Suffice to say, the orthopaedic internship (for me at least) is one helluva slack posting. I'm done by 9am most days (with a patient list that's 3-persons' long as compared to some other teams with lists that stretch past 20-persons), and after that, I'm basically free to go. If not for the occasional morning and afternoon tutorial, I probably would too. Am mostly guilt-tripped into finding patients to examine, trying to get some proper knee exams done (haven't brought myself round to doing spine and hips and shoulders argh), and basically trying to get my engine started (am doing very miserably).

Oh well. Work isn't sunny. But where there's no way around it, a Will will surely be found!

US elections

Frankly, it's none of my business and I don't really care either way. One reason why I'd prefer Obama over McCain would be McCain's awful choice in women - there's that mistress-turned-wife of his who's Botox Barbie reincarnate and his Caribou Barbie VP pick Sarah Palin, who's so vapid she makes Dubya look credible. I mean talk about poor judgement! Versus Obama's Michelle. Who looks great in Barney purple, on top of everything else :) Though credit to McCain for his latest appearance on SNL. I thought him incredibly sporting.

"The only McCain supporter here is probably the cow behind me which is gonna be slaughtered if Obama wins this election."

- CNN journalist on-site in Kenya

gulp

gulp is such a hideous word

I think about it and it seems like a very good thought. I work the angles, go through various scenarios, change the players, and come up with the same answer - Yes, this could be something.

And then I let my heart take over. And it says - No, this isn't it.

Coming up with a list of pros and cons seems the logical thing to do, but with matters of the heart, wouldn't you think our hearts know best? Perhaps though, our hearts are treacherous, volatile things that need reining in. We can't trust them not to betray our best interests, but we can always trust our heads to give us a good spank and guilt trip, sometimes when we least want it, sometimes too late for our benefit, but almost always with good reason.

Only this time, my heart's the one spanking me, and my head's the one egging me on. The only time this happens is when I'm at the 8th of 15 jackknive ab crunches, any weightbearing activity involving my upper arms, or the first 10mins on the treadmill. The recurring theme it seems, is swallowing the proverbial Pill.

And this is something I definitely don't want to have to swallow like a pill. Or two or twelve.

tumbling

Tumble is one of my favorite words. It's such an easy word - such a silly, informal, luxurious word. I love how it rolls off my tongue, how it conjures up pictures of an afternoon spent in white fluffy cotton-pillowy bliss. And of adorable ribena berries.

I tumbled into a beautiful maze of camelias and never found my way out.